That awkward moment when you ran up the stairs and now you’re trying to hide your heavy breathing like it’s no big deal but you’re actually pretty winded and dear god you need to work out.
every medicine on the market is like
pros: you’ll stop coughing
cons: you might die
if sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with two people is called a twosome than i know why everyone calls you handsome
how come when someone decides to eat only fruits and vegetables people commend them for their “willpower” and “diligence” but when i decide to eat a diet composed entirely of mozzarella sticks and vodka suddenly i’m “out of control” and “putting myself in danger”